Don’t bring ‘Ted’ home to the kids

Seth MacFarlane is at a point in his career where he can do no wrong. He has earned a legion of dedicated fans thanks to his popular animated shows, including Family Guy, American Dad and The Cleveland Show. He’s got an acid wit and warped sense of humor, and viewers can’t stop laughing hysterically at his antics.

MacFarlane continues the winning streak with Ted, the raunchy new comedy starring Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis. The movie earns its R rating and then some. The jokes are gross and mean, balancing on that line between completely hilarious and somewhat disparaging.

The story begins innocently enough. John Bennett (Wahlberg) is a little kid growing up in a suburb of Boston, and he has a wish that his Christmas teddy bear will come to life and be his “thunder buddy.” He doesn’t have many friends and thunderstorms send him under the sheets in panic.

Lo and behold, the little boy’s wish is granted and Ted (voiced by MacFarlane) is born. The talking stuffed animal becomes a worldwide sensation, appearing on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and signing autographs for people who can’t believe the magical bear actually speaks.

Flash forward almost 30 years. The luster of Ted’s uniqueness has worn off, and John leads a dull life filled with repeat viewings of Flash Gordon starring Sam Jones, marijuana, booze and a dead-end job at a rental car company. He still hangs out with Ted on a daily basis and has a serious girlfriend, Lori (Kunis). John is perfectly comfortable in his 35-year-old life. He’s got the girl. He’s got the best friend. He’s got his drugs.

Things take a left turn when Lori begins expecting a ring for their four-year anniversary. Faced with commitment issues and the possibility of asking Ted to finally move out, John needs to make some difficult decisions. Marriage or his teddy bear?

The story behind Ted is quite predictable and cliche. Commitment issues, second chances, funny dates, candlelit dinners … it’s all been done before in a number of romantic comedies. For some reason, although Ted has a sense of humor that’s totally unique, the structure of the film still follows the tried-and-true format of a typical relationship film. Everything still drips of formality, and once the audience realizes where the story is headed, it becomes easy to guess the ending and see how the tale unfolds.

Many of the funny situations are built like episodes of Family Guy. We follow the story in the present, and then we suddenly break for a flashback. One scenario involving a prostitute is downright nasty. Also like Family Guy, there’s a prolonged fight sequence (I could just envision Peter Griffin and the big chicken). And, it should come as no surprise that Ted’s voice sounds nearly identical to Peter Griffin’s voice. MacFarlane has a wonderfully layered voice for his characters, but there’s not much disparity.

What saves the movie (and it’s a big save) are those jokes. MacFarlane, who directed the film and co-wrote the screenplay with Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild, know how to lace every line of dialogue with a little zinger. There are many pop culture references, all of them hilarious and all of them rather mean. The Brandon Routh comment seemed especially harsh.

For those who enjoy MacFarlane’s humor, Ted is a smashing success. He’s able to take his style of comedy and expand it to feature-film length. For others, sitting through 106 minutes of bong and fart jokes may grow tiresome.

By John Soltes / Publisher / John@HollywoodSoapbox.com

• Ted

• 2012

• Directed by Seth MacFarlane

• Written by MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild; based on a story by MacFarlane

• Starring Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Joel McHale and the voice talents of MacFarlane

• Running time: 106 minutes

• Rated R for crude and sexual content, pervasive language and some drug use

• Rating: